I've hard writers block for months.
-I had something pretty terrible happen to me a little over a year ago and I shut down and stopped writing as much and if I did write I didn’t share it and everything faded to black for a little while. I will not ever disclose anymore than this publicly on the topic , well at least that’s how I feel now, but this experience is what finally got me back into counseling and has really ended up being a blessing in a disguise for me. As far as me taking care of myself.
-I got into another relationship with a good guy, couldn't sustain because I wasn't healed.
-I got into another toxic relationship
-I was depressed and in a deep dark place through most of those things, but I Kept taking care of myself by taking myself to counseling, setting boundaries, reestablishing my routine, restoring my life one piece at a time.
-Burned the shoes given to me by the man who assaulted me.
-Stayed sober through all of the trauma.
-Lost my grandfather last week. Lost one of my life's greatest adversaries. Stayed sober through that too.
-Battled with whether or not I wanted to come back here.
This space is open. WIDE OPEN
This space is VULNERABLE.
BUT THIS SPACE IS MINE. THIS SPACE IS YOURS. THIS SPACE IS HAPPY. THIS SPACE IS JOY. THIS SPACE IS SACRED. THIS SPACE IS WHAT I REALLY NEED. THIS SPACE IS INSPIRING.
This is where the magic happens for me. Where my fingers light up because they are moving so fast across these keys as they try to keep up with my thoughts that are racing. This is my avenue for peace. This is where I tell you guys. SOMETIMES LIFE SUCKS AND SOMETIMES WE BREAK AND SOMETIMES WE COLLAPSE, BUT THERE IS BEAUTY IN THAT STILL, because WE RISE, WE RISE, WE RISE.
There is no better way to get that message across to people than to WRITE IT DOWN AND SHARE IT. How else would you know that you are NOT ALONE. That others also experience the stress, the anxiety, the fear, the anger, the resentment, the turmoil, the depression, the apathy, THE UGLINESS in the world JUST LIKE YOU, how would you know ?? You wouldn't unless someone who looks like they have their shit together, shares with you that sometimes in fact they do not feel like they have their shit together, but that if you keep going, if you get back up, if you dust yourself off... YOU WILL BE OKAY. The world will come to life again. You will live, you will live, YOU WILL LIVE.
I have been gone for too long. I will not apologize for that. It's important for us to listen to ourselves when we are struggling internally. It is so so important to honor that space for ourselves. I could not show up here and give you any part of me, because I was too busy trying to piece my broken parts back together, and the times I did come here to write, I was still working on building back that foundation that I felt was swiped from underneath me. I know you are thinking "why are you being so dramatic"? because IT WAS DRAMATIC.
But now, I have learned within this last season of my life, that I will NEVER let any one on this earth take anything from me that brings me joy. I won't let a man do it, I won't let a family member do it, I won't let a stranger do it, and I won't let alcohol do it. This blog brings me joy. Coming here and sharing with you all, it brings me joy, and I don't ever want to let anyone or anything get in the way of that joy again. Writing is my passion. I MOVE people when I write, and that is a gift that God has given me, and I think it is a gift that he intended for me to keep sharing.
I have had a couple of people asking me why I stopped writing and "when are we going to get another blog post". I knew I didn't want to be pushed. I wanted to come back when I felt like it was "right" so I kept waiting for that day to come, and it never did. It was almost like two married adults saying "let's have a baby when the time is right", and then the time never is right, because when is it? Don't wait for the "feeling" or "the time to be right", you might end up waiting your entire life, and if writing this blog is anything like my motivation to stick to my gym routine, well that's just unreliable. Because consistency is key, NOT motivation.
I am happy to be back here, and I am happy to share that I will be writing every other Sunday again. I will honor days such as super bowl Sunday and work around holidays, but I want to build the momentum back up and give you guys some nuggets of wisdom I have learned along the way. Oh and by the way, I chose today because I am 11 years sober. I thought that was really special and I wanted to share because this day is the MOST important day of the year to me. This is when I truly started my life over again and if I didn't have my sobriety, I wouldn’t have anything else in my life.
It's my favorite day of the year. 11 years sober ❤️💕 to honor this milestone here are 11 things sobriety has taught me:
1. You can't keep what you don’t give away, so shine your light on people and let those blessings flow back to you.
2. There is blessing in the breaking. We break so that we can be rebuilt versions of ourselves, stronger/more resilient.
3. Forgiveness is better than holding onto resentment. Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting some else to die.
4. Setting boundaries with toxic people/places/things is paramount to your overall wellbeing. Say no!
5. PAUSE—to process so that you don't say or do things that will hurt someone or that you will regret when looking back on. If you do this, you'll be less likely to make an enemy with yourself.
6. You can’t control other people and their reactions. You can only control your own reactions, so when you change the way you view the world, everyone’s reactions don’t bother you as much anymore.
7. Self-reflection is the best way to learn self-acceptance which is the quickest way to inner peace.
8. Being different is what makes you beautiful AND being WEIRD is the new beautiful. So be weird.
9. It's not about what you CANNOT it's about what you CAN.
10. Nobody else gets in the way of you better than YOU. MOVE OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY, when you do that, you've gotten rid of your biggest obstacle.
11. And this is what I've learned this year, "Who cares what they think" If someone seems jealous of what you are doing with your life, or makes fun of you for your confidence in yourself, YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM, they are. When you are successful/confident there are GOING to be people who ENVY you, and that's just something you're gonna have to learn to LET GO and MOVE ON from and KEEP being the beautiful person that you are and bringing that positive energy wherever you go, because there's so many more people who are inspired by you than there are of people who feel insecure in your presence. NEVER STOP BEING A LIGHT BECAUSE SOMEONE HAS SENSTIVE EYES. KEEP SHINING AND HAND THEM A PAIR OF SUNGLASSES. <3
And coming here is how I give back, because you cannot keep what you do not give away. So thank you all for reading. You are a blessing to me. Each of you that read this blog, you truly are, to me and so many others.
Until next time,
xoxo
Mishako
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