As a writer, I go through lulls. These are periods of my writing when I feel completely uninspired. It's hard for me to come here, to figure out a topic, to initiate the typing, form the words, construct the sentences, and fill up the pages of these posts.
It takes me longer some days, I want to say it's like pulling teeth, but it's slower and not so painful. I guess similar to molasses rolling out of a barrel.
I have been fortunate to feel flooded with inspiration lately, but the cost of that inspiration was my dad's life. That's what happens when you are someone who writes from the heart, you explode with inspiration when you're breaking and cracking. It's at my worst when I find the most to write about, and through the transformation, where I pull so much of my advice/my wisdom and where I'm able to share my raw and naked truth of how death, loss of love and life changes you, but how it also shows you how strong you truly are.
At least that's what it does for me, when I am at my "breaking point", that is truly when I know I am strong, and when I feel like I have the most heart, and the most to offer to the world.
There is a lot that I share on this blog, mostly for myself right now, but also for anyone who needs to read it and know they are not alone in this world.
I share a lot and I'm not afraid or ashamed of anything I write on here. That means to say, I would press the "publish" button again and again if I were given a "do it all over again" moment.
I started this journey thinking I would only share about one certain topic, and now it's expanded into me sharing about my life. How I bounce back, how I establish routines that give me structure and help me flourish, how I set my self up for success in my best days so I know what to do to survive my worst ones.
I started writing about about how small men hurt my feelings and now I write about my strength and how my life isn't, nor has it ever wrapped around the pursuit of a man, but really it's been about me, and my journey back to myself, and my inner child.
I have been hurting a lot these past couple of months. The pain of losing my dad really overpowers any other pain. I wish I could explain it, but it's just one those things you only know if you're a part of the club, and I pray that you, my dear readers, never have to join this club.
But here is the beautiful thing about pain, as I said up there, it is where we are transformed into even better versions of ourselves. We allow it to grow us in ways we never even knew we were capable of growing before.
Each day that we press on, the pain is there, but we become bigger than the pain, and it shrinks and doesn't swallow us as much. I still feel the ache, but I know it will dissipate more and more over time.
Until then I will keep writing and sharing my journey and my heart with you all.
I love you bigger than the sky.
Until next time,
M.
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