I finished my first traveling assignment today. Man, it feels so good, and coincidentally my daddy's ashes made it home on the same day. Timing is everything, I know he's proud of me, and boy am I proud of me too.
I have so many thoughts right now, mainly my heart is just so full of gratitude. For such a great start to a new beginning of this new adventure in my life and for God giving me the opportunity to pour my heart into so many lives and have them pour right back into mine. People always say "what a rewarding career, you get to help so many kids and better their lives" The truth of the matter is, they better mine just as much, if not more, and I am going to miss each one of their little sticky fingers, snotty noses, and fits when they don't want to listen. (okay maybe not the fits)
I am grateful for all of the time I got to soak up with my friend Todd and meeting his precious daughters. Mikayla and Maura. Grateful I got to go do and see some really fun things, catch up with old friends (Taylor), make so many new friends, have my friend Mia over here and getting to explore and shop with her and I'm even grateful I got to tie up loose ends with someone that I used to know, even if it made me sad and happy all at once. There is a reason for everything in life. We can either take each experience/bump in the road as an opportunity to grow us or to hold us back. When I got sober 12 years ago, I decided that every set back, every bump, and every curve ball would make me better, not bitter, and bring me closer to my best self.
So much has happened in a year. I lost my job in August of 2022, and this time last year, I was spinning out, with no job, and felt soooo lost and confused and just...panicked honestly. This time a year ago, my father was still alive, but this time a year ago, I didn't know how to truly savor the moment, how to let go of what's really not serving me anymore, how to get through things without a panic attack and honestly just to breathe. I really thought I did, but I was just wrongggg. I cared too much about the little things. Now, the little things are just that, little.
So many big ass pot holes and curve balls in my way and thrown at me last year. I honestly felt like I was just really unlucky and that's just how my life was going to be, but the whole time all of that was happening, something in my gut was saying "GO". Lost my grandfather, lost my job, another failed relationship, I lost my father (probably the worst of all), and then lost another job, see ahead.
Everything just felt off and after talking to many friends, mainly my friends Amanda and Harper, I felt inspired and finally decided to take the plunge to do travel therapy, so I put my 30 days notice in at Spot Therapy around mid May, and that even back fired on me, my boss, and owner of the company decided to let me go two weeks early, and then somehow God showed up and took care of that problem, too, because I ended up getting several hours of PRN work prior to leaving, and it was just what I needed to help ensure that I was able to get to Texas. I be telling everyone I'm mad at God, and a part of me really is. I know he still loves me, but I just feel so upset over my daddy still and I think it's going to take time to heal that part of my heart. Anyways, that being said, I do know that he has my back, and I'm grateful for that unconditional love.
So I'm sitting on the floor of my airbnb looking at my mountains of things I brought with me (how the fuck did I pack this all up) and I'm just buzzzing on this high of finishing my first assignment. This 3 months has grown me in so many ways. Taught me that I don't need anyone, or anything to find my inner joy and serve my purpose, that who I've been waiting for to show up for me, is, me, and I don't need anyone to come and be the hero to my story, because I know how to fight for and live for myself.
I want to add in here as well that there were things that happened during this placement that presented themselves as challenges, but making it through them felt effortless. I like to think it's my daddy's spirit guiding me in love. Helping pave the way and forge the road ahead. I have met so many beautiful people and felt so many different feelings. This assignment was tough, but it was just what my heart and soul needed. I could say so many things.
I am honestly beaming on the inside. I feel like everything I've been through has lead me to this part of my life, and that feeling in my gut that was tugging at me to "go" isn't there anymore and I just feel so settled within my soul and free to spread my wings and fly, and dance like a crazy person and not give a fuck who's watching.
I guess it's time for this big girl to wrap up this Texas rodeo and take it on the road coz baby we're going to the Carolinas!!!
I can't wait to see what they have in store me.
<3 All of my love.
M.
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