Sometimes Quickly, Sometimes Slowly

It has been a long year. But this placement in Texas has gone by fast. I only have 3 more weeks. How did it go by so quickly?

I miss my father. I cried thinking about him at work today. I put a picture of him on my cork board by my desk. I think of him everyday and think how proud he would be of me, and then I think how proud I am of myself. I think it's good to be proud of yourself. We all have a journey to go on, we all have a story to tell. We all have something to be proud of, whether it's a small or big victory, that doesn't matter, only you can be the judge of that.

I am so grateful for my life. I am grateful for anti-depressants that work and therapy, and friends and family who are overflowing with open hearts, listening ears, and sound minds. I am grateful for my gut instincts my ability to decipher what's good and what's not and the gift that God gave me of being able to sniff out the bull shit.

When I dedicate myself to something whether it be a cause, a lifestyle, a new hobby, I usually go all in. I'm an all or nothing kind of gal. I have been that way since I can remember.

This time around I have been giving my all to getting my ass back into shape, getting back into a routine, and making sure that I take care of myself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Growth doesn't happen over night, it happens one day at a time, and you don't truly recognize the growth until you go through another shit storm and you realize how much better you handled it the 2nd, 3rd, or 4th (hopefully not) time around.

For me it's my anxiety. Especially in romantic relationships, as you all well know, since I've shared many of my dating escapades on this blog (if you're new here and you'd like to read some go back to the beginning of this blog and you'll find them there) anyways as you all well know I have been through it when it comes to dating. Recently I reconnected with a friend from high school and to say I was utterly disappointed by how it turned out would be an understatement, but what I'm not doing this time is obsessing over why. I used to let it eat me up, you can ask my friends, it was always a struggle to get over it, I would talk about it for weeks, sometimes months. Now I have grown so much, enough to recognize fully what I have to offer and my worth, as a person and as a partner. I don't have to sweat it when I realize that the guy who wasn't being completely honest with me isn't meant to be a part of my forever plan. I have waited a long time. I'm super picky. My daddy set the bar REALLY high, and I'm not going to settle. I just wont. There will never be a man that compares EXACTLY to my father, but I'm sure there are men out there who come close, I haven't found them yet, but you'll probably know it when I do. Anyways I digress, the anxiety this time, with this ending, isn't even existent. It's just, I realize now how truly valuable I am, and how wasting my energy on that is so so so detrimental to myself and to nobody else.

I'm happy with the fact that I've come so far, and I'm happy that there is always still room to grow even more. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. If we keep chipping away, we will always get to a better version of ourselves, even if it doesn't happen over night.

I challenge you to learn to fall in love with yourself, recognize your worth, find what works to help you through your challenging times and stick with that. <3

All my love from Texas,

xoxo

Mishako