Don’t Talk, Just Listen

This is an open space. There is no room for hate, no room for judgement.

Have you ever had a lot on your mind, or a lot going on in your life, and you just needed someone to listen?

I think often times when people come to us with their problems we automatically assume they must want advice, but what if we‘re wrong, what if they just needed someone there for them to listen.

I had a friend reach out to me the other day about some stuff they’re going through and at the end of it all told me that they’d talked to several friends and no one had really been there for them in the way a friend should, instead they seemed irritated, or offered unsolicited advice, or even acted as if “the right thing to do” was so blatantly obvious that the mere thought of allowing them to waist their ear-space was a bother. We've all done it, and trust me, I've done my fair share of venting to family members about problems and have been on the receiving end of unsolicited advice, "you should just let it gos" and "stop thinking about it" comments, and none of it makes you feel better when you're riding the roller coaster of emotions that comes when things end, be it a relationship, a job, a friendship, whatever it is, some of us take longer to grieve and move on then others, and a part of the process is talking things out, and just having someone there for us to listen, and not offer their opinion or advice, can be so refreshing.

I want to make sure I say this, too, I OBVIOUSLY, have been guilty of doing this. I have offered my advice and my opinion when it wasn't necessarily wanted or asked for. Usually, I try to start off with "I'm going to say this, and you can take it or leave it" so my friends know that I'm not trying to tell them what to do, or how to live their life, or how to move on or how to feel, because I am a HUGE respecter of "you gotta feel, what you gotta feel, for as long as you need to feel it". Feelings aren't facts, and the thing is, if my friend is venting and feeling a certain way about their situation, and I make small of their feelings, that's really UNFAIR and UNCOOL of me, because though their feelings will more than likely be different the following day, in the moment, they are valid and and very much real, and they shouldn't be dismissed or overlooked or made light of, and I dont have the right to tell them not to feel that way, because I most certainly wouldn't want someone to do that to me.

I'm not saying don't ever dish out advice. I'm just simply saying, listen first, ask if your friends want your advice or if the conversation is just a "I need you to listen" type, and the react accordingly. We spend so much time trying to make sure people don't make the same mistakes we do, and thinking we know best, but we all have to go things our own way and navigate life on our own and figure it out for ourselves, otherwise it kind of takes the fun out of the whole journey.

With all that being said, I would like to take this time to thank all of my friends and family both NEAR and FAR who have taken the time to LISTEN and to UNDERSTAND me. Who have just been there for me through times where I quite frankly felt like I couldn't ever fathom getting through, and who offered me really good and sound advice when I asked for it and who still do. I would also like to thank those who reach out to me for advice, or who reach out to me to listen, and who take the time to read this blog that is basically NOTHING BUT life advice and how to navigate through all of life's ups and downs and keep a smile on your face.

Always remember this, like I told my dear friend who reached out to me, when people who love us have to bare the burden of our hurts, our pains, and listen to us talk about people hurting us, cutting us down, and tearing us up-- because they are an outsider to our situation and they don't have feelings/emotions attached to it, it's very easy for them to say "let it go", "move on", "quit wasting your time", and perhaps even a "you deserve better", and maybe at the time that's not what we want to hear, but deep down inside of us, somewhere, there's a voice that says "I know", because it's true, and so I think sometimes we just have to remember that, it's hard for people that love us to listen to us when we are in pain and to not come up with a knee jerk response, and knowing that, might change your perspective a little the next time you get upset when someone doesn't necessarily respond in the way you'd like for them too when you pour your heart out about your latest life's problems. And if their response is super negative, and non supportive, or they're being a dick and inpatient with you, well then perhaps you should reconsider whether or not they even DESERVE a front row seat to your life. Share your life with people who grow you, nature you, and give you joy. Life is too short for all the other bull shit.

All my love, Happy Sunday -- OH and I am FOR SURE doing a give away in March, so STAY TUNED. Also, You guys are amazing and my instagram DMs are always open if you need someone to listen to you <3 I will always safe space for you to vent. xoxo Mishako