I have spent every day of the last couple of weeks trying to let go of something. Just to fill those of you in who are reading this post who don’t know me very well, I’m usually emotional af, and what‘s so odd is that the first week I thought I would have been bawling my eyes out, yet I didn’t shed a tear until last weekend really and haven’t much since then either. I think the hardest part of letting go of this certain something, is that I wanted it very badly to remain in my life, and there were so many parts of it that were magical and fun, but the parts that weren’t... well they just, sucked the life force out of me and made me feel, super off my happy vibes box.
But none of that matters, because right now Im exactly where I’m meant to be, snuggled up next to my sweet Godson (he’s passed out) and we (he, his brothers, my cousin-their mom-, & me) have had a wonderful weekend, laughing, jumping on the trampoline, going to a halloween parade, enjoying the fall weather and watching almost all of the jurassic park movies.
I am 31 and single. I don’t have any children of My own, so to me Lukie (We call him Doo) is the next best thing. He is so precious to me, and anytime I’m feeling sad, down in spirits, afraid, upset, lost faith, lost hope, or going through another heart crack, I can ALWAYS count on his sweet little smile and laugh to heal my heart.
To me there is nothing sweeter than the innocent love of a child, when a child loves you, it tells you a lot about yourself. It makes you feel kind, funny, trustworthy, light hearted, good natured, and loving, because if you weren’t all of those things, then the child would not feel safe in your presence and in your loving them and be able to reciprocate that back to you, and there’s just nothing like that. I know I’ve written this before, but the hardest part about being single at my age, is the fear that I will biologically run out of time ⌛️, as we know the older we get the riskier pregnancy can be. Thats why I’m so grateful for my sweet Luke, and for his parents giving me the greatest honor of being his Godmother.
We can learn a lot from children, in fact I think the whole point of life should be a journey back to our child like nature. The ability to shrug things off, not take things so serious, to soak things up and live in the moment, sans temper tantrums and whining fits. When we grow up we lose our innocence, we lose our ability to look at life without feeling fear, resentment, insecurity, whatever hand life has dealt us, shapes and molds are reactions to certain people, places, and things, and in order to live in a way where we are truly liberated from those insecurities and fears, we have to truly learn to embrace our inner child and let go of all of those deep rooted pains.
So coming back full circle, I have been sad, but have not let it steal my over all joy, because as we all know, just because WE WANT certain things to be meant for us, that doesn’t make it so, and dont get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with grieving that loss for a little bit of time, but eventually, we have to learn to let go, remember to embrace our inner child, and march forward knowing that whatever is meant for us is ahead and whatever is not has been left behind and by doing this, we are gaining much more than we are losing. Im choosing to let go of the obsessions, the sadness, the pain of loss and instead I’m choosing JOY to embrace my inner child and soak up the precious day God has laid before me.
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