Shit

I thought about giving up today.

I thought about it before my daddy died a handful of times in my life, and since I lost him I've thought it even more.

I think about it because it's the easy thing to do. It would be the most final way of getting rid of all of those unwanted feelings I have to feel every minute of everyday. It would also be the best way to cease all of the non-sense going on in my brain, and the best way to escape the pain of grieving.

I thought about it a lot today bc I got more bad news. It's just my life lately has been nothing but a string of bad news, and beginning to wonder if the universe is pitted against me.

I reached out to my siblings and they say "no Misha, we feel that way too". Every "bad thing" seems even worse because it's piled on top of the worst thing of all.

I have become so selfish in my pain. I don't even want to listen to you talk about someone else losing their dad bc me losing mine is worse.

I screamed in my car and I cried and I let it out BECAUSE I AM SO FUCKING MAD THAT MY DAD IS GONE. Why MY DAD????

WHYYY???

Ugh I fucking hate death.